


Summer anxiety (This I know is a real thing)

by Thatbubblegumbitch



Series: Writing about my problems and whatever but through Jeno so it’s not really me [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Can be seen as platonic, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jeno has some issues, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Sadness, So do I oops, Still, Wrote this cause I like to pretend like my problems aren’t mine, but he tries ig, jaemin is a bit stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25635340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatbubblegumbitch/pseuds/Thatbubblegumbitch
Summary: Jeno tries to block out the thought of summer being ruined because of Jaemin.I swear this is not some sort of seasons series it just exists in the same universe as another thing I wrote hahah.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: Writing about my problems and whatever but through Jeno so it’s not really me [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858318
Kudos: 4





	Summer anxiety (This I know is a real thing)

**Author's Note:**

> I really have this issue that if something goes wrong I just don’t want to do anything and it’s literally ruining my summer cause I can plan to eat pancakes for breakfast and then realize that we have no eggs and then I don’t wanna eat at all.  
> So yeah, thanks for listening to me ranting.
> 
> Nomin can still be seen as platonic.

Jeno feels lonely, as in completely alone in this world. He hugs his knees closer to his chest as he feels a shiver run through his entire body, feeling cold and even more miserable. His body shakes slightly and he can feel his muscles twitching every once in a while. 

When he opens his eyes after a worthless attempt at sleeping he sees the giant cup on his bed side table. The cup that had contained the strongest, most bitter coffee he had ever made. He curses the damned coffee and himself for thinking it was a good idea to consume that much caffeine after 3 pm when he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep.

Although he can't really blame himself, arguing with people always made him want to prove a point, though often completely irrelevant to the argument. This time the point being that he would nail his solo dance performance in a few days and if that was happening he needed all the help he could get, in this case coffee was the only push available.

The argument was silly, barely an argument but it was enough to rival the coffee in keeping his mind spinning and body unable to stay in one position longer than 30 seconds. That mentioned, his neck felt like it was gonna break so he rolled over to the other side of the bed and brought the covers closer to his freezing body.

He thinks he would be fine, really, if it wouldn't have been Jaemin. His best friend had been working for the last five weeks while Jeno was rotting away at home since it was the summer and it was either that or being dragged out by his mom to see _her_ friends. Jaemin had only had three days left and Jeno was almost counting down the seconds until earlier this morning. 

Jaemin had texted him _'gonna work 2 more weeks <3'_ shortly followed by _'would love to stay at your house sometime next week'_. It was simple really, Jeno knew that Jaemin had asked his boss if they needed him the upcoming weeks as well when he heard his coworker was gonna work for longer than planned but he also remembers Jaemin assuring him that he's not gonna get to work more after Jeno had said that he misses seeing him.

Maybe that's what made Jeno so annoyed (or sad but he would prefer it being the former) and got him to type out _'sure <3 stoked to spend the rest of summer not doing what we had planned'_. Though Jeno did not want to come across as a complete dick so he had sent him another more reassuring and supportive text cause his best friend wanted to do this.

He was ready to drop it, go and cry for an hour, try to get over himself and take it as a chance to work on his if-everything-does-not-go-exactly-how-I-want-it-to-it-could-be-issue but then Jaemin had answered. _‘I know, I also wish I didn't have to work but I need to. We'll make it work tho, we still have nights and weekends, you'll just have to come to me'_ .

Now this made Jeno confused and then he was sure what he was feeling, pure anger. He wanted to yell out in frustration. How Jaemin can say that he wishes he wasn't working the remaining weeks of summer when he was the one asking for it Jeno had no idea and it made him really annoyed (ok maybe now it is sadness).

Jeno turns around again deciding that he does not want to further relive the conversation but after another ten minutes of trying to even out his breathing to be able to fall asleep his mind wanders back to earlier.

He had written to Jaemin then _'that's the thing, you aren't forced to work you wanted to and that's not wrong, I get it. I'm just sad that we won't have the rest of the summer to spend together but getting sad because I can't see you is a me problem'_. Jaemin had tried to defend himself by saying that he really needs money and that he thinks he won't be able to handle staying at home for two weeks straight but needs to stay busy.

That made Jeno even more sad or angry he had no clue anymore, all of his feelings were just kind of mixed and almost masked like he thought it was annoyance but then he felt tears and that's when sadness showed it's presence and was like _"surprise bitch it was me all along"_.

Jeno sighs and tries fluffing his pillow. Bullshit, he thinks, cause he knows that Jaemin knows that he would not have been stuck at home for the last weeks of break, he would be with Jeno and Jeno also thinks that he would give Jaemin the money if he asked for it, no paying back needed. He's just that desperate he concludes.

It's not the fact that Jaemin would rather work than see Jeno, hell Jeno would work every day for the rest of his life if that meant he wouldn't have to see himself. It's the fact that Jaemin says one thing and does another. Only a day ago he had texted him saying that _he couldn't stand his coworker_ and _he would yell in her face if he had to spend another second with her_. Now that clearly wasn't a problem.

They had kept going back and forth, Jaemin had kept trying to explain himself while Jeno just tried to express that he was sad and felt a bit un prioritized, though that should not be one of Jaemin's concerns and Jeno made sure he knew by saying that he himself knew it was a _him_ problem.

Jeno also made sure that Jaemin knew that he didn't want excuses or apologies, he was just sad and that was also a _him_ problem. Jaemin finished up by saying that they'll make it work and they'll start with finding a day next week cause he's busy this weekend.

Fluffing the pillow didn't help and neither did dancing for five hours straight on an empty stomach but who was Jeno not to try? He yawned for the millionth time this night and looked over at the clock, 3:33, wonderful.

Really he knows that it is selfish to think think that Jaemin would consider him every time he makes a decision but Jeno can't help it. He always tries to put Jaemin first cause well, he is just the most important person in his life and he knows that if he would be the reason that Jaemin was having a hard time he knew he would never be able to survive the guilt.

Much like how he currently can't sleep because he made something that was a positive thing to Jaemin into an argument. Damn it he should have just sent him a _'congrats'_ and a brunch of hearts. Then he could have cried until it felt a little less like summer was ruined and more like he just had to compromise.

Fuck, now he is crying again. Jeno is almost fascinated with the fact that he is unable to cry in front of others but as soon as an opportunity gets presented to him when he is in private he is the biggest cry baby on earth. It is kind of ridiculous really.

He rolls over again to put on an old drama on his iPad. While biting down on a corner of his blanket to not sob out loud. The reason he finally decides that he needs to sleep is that he wants to try and quiet his own thoughts, saying that he fucked up _again_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading:)  
> Hugs from me💞✨


End file.
